apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
