I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
