I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
