PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
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Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
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In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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