Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
