I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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