Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
