Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
