I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
