Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
