my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
party gras won. party gras always wins.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
