Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
