i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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