He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
