The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
