new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
