We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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