I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize