Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
