So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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