That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
