the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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