R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
