I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
