Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
