your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
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You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
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