i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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