Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
