dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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