We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
