he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
