From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
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My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
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there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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