He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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