Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
