sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
