I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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