I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
