my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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