They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
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You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
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I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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