I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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