2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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