youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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