You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
