I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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