you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
