then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
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Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
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she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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