In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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