some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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