PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
