I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
