hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
