I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
