he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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