Have you finally orgasmed yet?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
