So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
