does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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