New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
either way he was missing a nipple.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
