I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
