yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
how drunk are you?
Several
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
