My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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