I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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