I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
