did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
