Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
