my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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